Pachanga Diaries

After watching this video I realize it is time for a mental note. Let’s recap on how to undo her bra with one hand.

Non Socialite Pachanga Diaries has always been confused and fascinated by how women think.

Does she want me to want to want her?

Is she going to like this set of pots for Christmas?

- She has been talking about it the whole year.

What does she mean when she asks; What are you thinking?

- What? am I thinking right now?

Video Recap

• Flowers
• Romantic comedy
• Listen more than I talk
• Tasteful Jokes
• Shave and spray
• Tongue scrapping

Now, ready to make the move to second base. Soft kissing is obligatory as well as hair stroking … and more hair stroking.

Must remember; “the bra is my enemy“.

Cold hands are not sexy therefore I should wash my hand with warm water … and make sure they are dry.

Practice Luke, practice. The pinch is probably the most difficult part of this video. At least is what I’d heard …

Want to learn more?

www.girlfriendpedia.com

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I have forgotten some of my friends birthdays and I was wondering if that makes me a bad friend or just a typical guy. So, I headed towards my research lab, youtube.com, and look for information.

Here is what I learned from this video;

Memory Tip #1

For one year in every important day wear something provocative to give him something to remember besides the date.

- Mmh, me like it.

Memory Tip #2

Men tend to put to much information in there brain. Women have nothing else on their mind.

- Just kidding. Please, next time you see me, take it easy with hitting me with your purses … I’m kidding.

Memory Tip #3

Wifes also forget birthdays. – “I knew it was in J month”. Note: We guys suck it up and admit we forgot, women came up with new months.

Memory Tip #4

Women should keep track on husband’s special dates as a “small concession to make to keep life happy at home”. – Wow, that guy is a big macho. He is also the one suggesting memory tip #1.

Memory Tip #5 : Jelly Beans is always the right answer for when a woman ask me about my birthday.

July Birthdays

Here are July birthdays. Let me know if I got your birthday wrong. Did I forget someone? Let me know.

• Carmen Nelson 7/14
• Denisse 7/14
• Katharina 7/14
• Roberto 7/25
• Shariff 7/26

dating comedy, memory, men

dating communication, testosterone

It has been tough for some of my male friends to read the signs women send when they are loosing interest. One of them asked me, – “how can I tell when the passion is gone? Is it when she start complaining about my socks on the floor?” You are asking me? I have no clue – I thought. But, here are seven signs to watch for;

1. She finds you annoying
2. You get a list of all your faults … and then some.
3. You try to get the magic back. But … she is not really into magic anymore.
4. Things don’t make sense. Ok, this one is tricky because most of the time they don’t.
5. Now … she is gay. Mmmmh, she never complained before.
6. Start finding weird dead things
7. Everything is drama and you don’t care anymore

My dear friend, watch this funny video about “How to tell when a relationship is over”.

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Vixen: Poison for Your Relationship is a comic that evolved out of conversation at “Girls’ Night” at the Southern Sun in Boulder.

My friend Karen* had an ex in town with whom she was trying to make a decision about moving forward. He was from out of town and she was considering moving to be closer to him. He flew out for the weekend and on Saturday night they partied a little too hard. The next day he was violently ill. He retched for three hours non-stop until Karen eventually had to take him to the emergency room. Karen had to run an borrow a car as they had left hers downtown the night before, too drunk to drive home. In some ways this left her in a position of power as he was debilitated and she was taking care of him.

It was from this place that the idea of Vixen: Poison for Your Relationship evolved. In the end of Karen’s story, the ex told her it would be too much pressure on him if she were to move closer, so the idea of “Vixen” became even more delicious.

dating boulder, comic, relationship

Ever wondered why does she take so long in the shower?

Ever wondered what is that he does in the bathroom?

Here is the answer to those mysteries of life.

Thank you Sebastien for this very funny video.

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It is always fascinating to observe human behavior. In a relationship, once pass the courtship stage most men start feeling perhaps too comfortable. This is when women begin to re-consider staying single.

dating relationships, videos

The other day, I received this email about Words Women Use. I couldn’t find who the original author is, therefore I’m NOT taking credit for it.

1. FINE: This is the word women use to end an argument when theyare right, and you need to shut up.

2. Five Minutes: If she is getting dressed, this means half an hour. Five Minutes is only five minutes if you have just been given five more minutes to watch the game before helping around the house.

3. Nothing: This is the calm before the storm. This means something, and you should be on your toes. Arguments that begin with nothing usually end in fine (see #1).

4. Go Ahead: This is a dare, not permission. Don’t Do It!

5. Loud Sigh: This is not actually a word but a non-verbal statement often misunderstood by men. A loud sigh means she thinks you are an idiot and wonders why she is wasting her time standing here and arguing with you about nothing. (Refer back to #3 for the meaning of nothing.)

6. That’s Okay: This is one of the most dangerous statements a women can make to a man. “That’s okay” means she wants to think long and hard before deciding how and when you will pay for your mistake.

7. Thanks: A woman is thanking you – do not question or faint. Just say you’re welcome.

8. Whatever: Is a women’s way of saying “%@&* YOU!”

9. Don’t worry about it, I got it: Another dangerous statement, meaning this is something that a woman has told a man to do several times, but is now doing it herself. This will later result in a man asking “what’s wrong” – for the woman’s response refer to #3.

dating communication, women

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I guess the idea of a website called www.pmstracker.com is not so bad after all. Sorry, ladies, just kidding.

Have a great Thanksgiving day !!

dating biology, pms, videos, women

While reading MSN’s Health and Fitness website (In the members only section) I found a very interesting article. Here is the scoop, with comments … of course.Smoking can shorten your penis by as much as a centimeter.
Where those nicotine patches and gum are? where? I wonder why they haven’t used that as a very effective anti-smoking campaign. “Grow a centimeter by quitting smoking now”

Doctors can now grow skin for burn victims using the foreskins of circumcised infants. One foreskin can produce 23,000 square meters.
“After Paco got his burned skin replaced, he just loves to be hug; constantly”The average male orgasm lasts 6 seconds. Women get 23 seconds.
Mental note; always ask for change after sex

Only one man in 400 is flexible enough to give himself oral pleasure.
The other 399 have broken their necks, or have a family chiropractor.

There are two types of penises. One kind expands and lengthens when becoming erect (a grower). The other appears big most of the time, but doesn’t get much bigger after achieving erection (a shower).
That’s what I’m telling them; “It is a grower, it’s a grower! Don’t leave … please”

No brain is necessary for ejaculation. That order comes from the spinal cord.
So, it is true that we have two brains …

The most common cause of penile rupture: vigorous masturbation.
I like to live dangerously

dating cigarettes, men, videos

Someone stepped ahead of me on this one, PMS for men. And, below, 13 things PMS stands for. I don’t know who the original author is. But, Courtney sent me this funny email that I paired up with the video.

Have fun !

13 Things PMS Stands For:

1. Pass My Shotgun
2. Psychotic Mood Shift
3. Perpetual Munching Spree
4. Puffy Mid-Section
5. People Make me Sick
6. Provide Me with Sweets
7. Pardon My Sobbing
8. Pimples May Surface
9. Pass My Sweatpants
10. Pissy Mood Syndrome
11. Plainly, Men Suck
12. Pack My Stuff

…and my all time favorite…

13. Potential Murder Suspect

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After my Smooch Signals blog posted yesterday I received this email from a Guest Writer. I thought it will be great to share what she has to say.

“I have been watching the TV technique…not that that’s any reflection of reality. But anyway, most of the time in the movies, the woman puts her lips very close to the man’s lips (after some appropriate pause in the conversation).

He gets the clue (how could he not?) and completes the last inch required for contact. For me, I have never had to be that assertive and if I really like the guy, would probably be too shy to move in before he does. If we are both shy, well, I guess we’ll have to get really drunk first, stumble into each other and bump our lips together by accident before one of us blushes and pulls away. But according to your blog, the guys are never shy and are basically going to give it a try no matter what.

So maybe you should find out what women do to give out the signal that they DON’T want to be kissed?

Here are some obvious clues;

• She throws up.
• She leaves the party w/out saying good-bye
• She talks about having a cold or the flu
• She hides in the bathroom until you wander away
• She initiates a short and sweet peck on the cheek and turns her back on you.
• She doesn’t answer the phone when you call
• She doesn’t call back
• She lets you kiss her while firmly keeping you at a distance with her hand on your chest …
• She starts eating a slice of pizza … or anything
• She checks her phone for messages
• She belches like a truck driver
• She talks about how much you would like her friend Bambi (unless she is into some other arrangements we won’t discuss here)”

dating comedy

“No you don’t look fat in those jeans”
“I love your short hair cut”
“No it’s perfectly fine that you cut off your long, silky waist length hair”
“I was only noticing how fat she looks in those jeans”
“I lit the match and the toilet seat is down, darling”
“You choose the movie”
“You flip channels for a while”
“I’m here for you; tell me everything you’re feeling”
“Come here. You need a hug.”
“Were there other women there? I only saw you.”
“What are you thinking? a pedicure? sure, I’ll try it.”
“Dancing lessons? sounds like fun”
“You thought I forgot our 3-and-a-half-month anniversary, didn’t you?”
“I’ll hop out and ask this guy for directions.”
“OK … soy milk, eggs, M&M’s, frozen organic edamame, nail polish remover, Clearasil, a box of tampons and Yoga Journal… Did I forget anything? I’m on my way.”

By a Guest Collaborator

dating

Hints – The encrypted way of women to metaphorically ask for something

Last night, a friend asked me for some advice on how to understand men. Well, as we all know understanding men is not an easy task. As a representative of the male gender, I have to say, yes it is difficult to understand men but slightly easier than understanding women.
Hopefully, I didn’t push the buttons of those feminist women out there with that comment above. Anyways, as I’m trying to explain to Marisa the psych of men and how much more simple than women think it is, my thoughts started to come together …

After some more observations on human behavior, discussions, squeezing the stress ball by my desk, making fist-size paper balls and shooting a few into a trash can nearby, I decided to begin a perhaps controversial series of articles that I’ll call; Women on the Second Floor

—————————————————————–
WARNING:

The following might or might not represent the author’s opinion on whatever he is writing. The purpose is to look at life from different point of views, NOT to insult anyone. So, DON’T take it personally. There might be some strong content but I’ll try “PG thirteening-it” as much as possible. For example, instead of the penis I’ll replace it by a little banana word.
—————————————————————–

Of course, there will be always someone who is gonna come up to me and say; “why did you write that warning about not taking it personally? Are you taking about me?” Exactly my point. All right, let get started, go crazy, stupid or whatever the Black Eye Peas say.

UNDERSTANDING MEN 101
Why men don’t get hints

Don’t waste your energy hinting a guy into throwing the garbage out by saying “This kitchen is a mess”. Or by saying, while at the video rental store, “Do you really want to go to watch that movie?” when clearly you would rather pick a chick flick. The dictionary defines encrypt as; To put into code or cipher. To alter using a secret code so as to be unintelligible to unauthorized parties. Yes, women use a secret code that not even Dan Brown (author of the DaVinci Code) can figure it out. And who is part of the unauthorized party? men are. We don’t take hints because we men, are not subtle at all. We tell it like it is.

- “Hey, what do you think about this for her birthday gift, Bro?” a man ask his buddy.

- “That is crap, you cheap bastard! Why are you giving her pots and kitchenware for her birthday? That’s not for her; that’s for the kitchen. Why is she sleeping with you, again?”

While women are proud of their female intuition, developed through thousands and thousands of years trying to communicate with their newborns in caves, we lack this so called intuition. Instead we have mojo. Yeah, baby, yeah!! (Ok, I just got side tracked here. Back to the topic. Back to the topic and forget Austin Powers movies).

Resuming my very serious and interesting discussion – Women can read other people’s auras, and sense with touch how another female or young creature might be feeling. They have a soothing and complex way of communicating with each other. They connect on three thousand different levels with another woman. And the deeper, the better. That is why they love to do all that crazy stuff like mantra, palm reading, aerobics, yoga, group therapies, go shopping and buy shoes, dance closely with each other and/or get drunk and make out. We see all those activities as lesbian-bordering activities and fantasize about it. We don’t understand why women love to bond in such ways. Male bonding consists of watching a ball game, grabbing a beer, belching, farting and, very important, seating on your own chair. We don’t share couches, not even 12 feet long couches. It is just gay.

On the other hand we men, until recently, have been going out and hunting the next meal for the family for thousands and thousands of years. We went hunting with other Neanderthals fellas.

We see, we point to a prey, we hunt, we eat, we fart.

That is as far as communication went amongst pre-historic men. And to be honest, I don’t think it has changed that much.

So my dear friend, to summarize, we men are primitive beings that haven’t evolved that much communication-wise. We are still on the first floor of evolution while women are on the second floor. It is another level of communication.

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