Pachanga Diaries

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This last halloween I didn’t know what to wear. So, with the help of different cutout cardboards I finally decided for a costume.

Check out the latest Pachanga video where the gang from b-town partied like it is 2006 … it is 2006, right?

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Finally, prince’s brother found!

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PhotoCrashing is the art (mostly a dynamic art) of crashing a photo or picture in the last second. The appearance of a person who does not belong in a picture at the very moment of taking the picture.

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Someone stepped ahead of me on this one, PMS for men. And, below, 13 things PMS stands for. I don’t know who the original author is. But, Courtney sent me this funny email that I paired up with the video.

Have fun !

13 Things PMS Stands For:

1. Pass My Shotgun
2. Psychotic Mood Shift
3. Perpetual Munching Spree
4. Puffy Mid-Section
5. People Make me Sick
6. Provide Me with Sweets
7. Pardon My Sobbing
8. Pimples May Surface
9. Pass My Sweatpants
10. Pissy Mood Syndrome
11. Plainly, Men Suck
12. Pack My Stuff

…and my all time favorite…

13. Potential Murder Suspect

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While fighting Taliban militants Canadian troops stumbled into an impenetrable forest of 10 feet tall marijuana plants. Taliban fighters were using these forests to take cover. In response, Canadian troops camouflaged their tank with marijuana. Taliban militants could not stop laughing at such a sight and both enemies decided to take a munchies break of the combat. By the time the Canadians woke up from a well deserved drooling-over nap, taliban militans had fled the area. Only area man #135 was interrogated about the whereabouts of the militants but no information was given.

After trying to burn the huge plants with white phosphorous and diesel, General Rick Higher realized the plants were full of water. In his last radio transmission General Rick Higher decided to take matters with his own hands and fight the fight, one fat joint at a time. General Higher and his troop have been missing in action ever since.

The Real Story : Canada troops battle 10-foot Afghan marijuana plants

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After my Smooch Signals blog posted yesterday I received this email from a Guest Writer. I thought it will be great to share what she has to say.

“I have been watching the TV technique…not that that’s any reflection of reality. But anyway, most of the time in the movies, the woman puts her lips very close to the man’s lips (after some appropriate pause in the conversation).

He gets the clue (how could he not?) and completes the last inch required for contact. For me, I have never had to be that assertive and if I really like the guy, would probably be too shy to move in before he does. If we are both shy, well, I guess we’ll have to get really drunk first, stumble into each other and bump our lips together by accident before one of us blushes and pulls away. But according to your blog, the guys are never shy and are basically going to give it a try no matter what.

So maybe you should find out what women do to give out the signal that they DON’T want to be kissed?

Here are some obvious clues;

• She throws up.
• She leaves the party w/out saying good-bye
• She talks about having a cold or the flu
• She hides in the bathroom until you wander away
• She initiates a short and sweet peck on the cheek and turns her back on you.
• She doesn’t answer the phone when you call
• She doesn’t call back
• She lets you kiss her while firmly keeping you at a distance with her hand on your chest …
• She starts eating a slice of pizza … or anything
• She checks her phone for messages
• She belches like a truck driver
• She talks about how much you would like her friend Bambi (unless she is into some other arrangements we won’t discuss here)”

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Last night I was at a get together with my friends comparing notes about how was dating 20 to 30 years ago versus today. The question came up about when to kiss a woman. Well, that is the wrong question. The real question is; how to know when she is she ready to be kissed, you need to know how to interpret the signals.

Don’t go for the kill
“Does a cheetah ask a gazelle if it is ready to die?” This is the mentality that will get you a slap in the face. Most guys will wait until the end of the night, impatiently, to make that sudden, slippery move; the undesirable forced-smooch-with-violating-tongue kiss. There are some signals that need to be properly interpreted;

Her Signals

• She gets rid of the chewing gum
• She glances at your lips while listening to you
• She starts by looking down. Then, without words, she holds your gaze for a few seconds with a demure smile. Then, look away.
• She will hide her hands behind her back.
• She snuggles her face into your neck, barely kissing your cheek.
• She slowly move her lips towards you
• She kisses very softly
• She moves away slowly

What he thinks the signals are;

• She has been chewing gum all night long.
• He paid for dinner
• She looked at him
• She is not trying to jump out of the car. Only a little desperate to go back home
• She is not yawning
• She is not talking to some other dude about getting together later that night but send a lot of text messages
• He thinks that she thinks he is an awesome dude because she laughed at his drunk stories and hasn’t call him an idiot
• She is not drunk-ass throwing up everywhere
• She didn’t get that angry when he grabbed her butt in front of his friends

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Difficulty: Moderately challenging (especially for some guys out there; geeks, frat boys, for example).

Timing is everything – There will be certain days of the month in which you are going to be a jerk anyways, no matter what. Therefore, always wait until she decides when to go on a date. Be her friend in the meantime, and never push for a date.
Dress nicely – The average woman changes her clothes four times before she leaves the house. Don’t embarrass your date by showing up mismatched.
Be considerate – Call if you’ll be late. If you don’t show up, don’t expect another chance, you are screwed.
Be careful with the compliments - “You look nice,” gives a woman no information. “I love your shoes,” wins extra points.
Keep it to yourself – Avoid talking about your ex, her ex, your mother (or how much she reminds you of your mother), how many beers and/or how wasted you got the other day with your buddies, your medications (especially, what are they for), sexual fantasies, or that you enjoy “recreational” drugs.
Be yourself – Not really. What I really mean is; be the best of you. Meaning, keep your mouth shut unless asked otherwise. You will tend to impress her or sell yourself with big stories of money, beer drinking, kicking someone’s butt, or fast cars. In fact, the less you talk about yourself, the better. Remember that she has changed three to four times before leaving her house. Get the hint?

Frat boy – “Which hint? What is he talking about?”
Never mind. Just stop reading this article, frat boy. Go back to your TV and beer burping.

Stop staring – … at her breasts or other women’s breasts. I know it’s difficult but, you could try some exercises for a week before your date her. Download pictures of Pamela Anderson into your computer’s screen saver. Set the Wait minutes feature to one minute and give your date a call to ask about her day. When the screen saver of Pamela and her twin friends show up …. Focus damn it, Focus !!!
Don’t drink too much – You should always consume a little less alcohol than her otherwise reading this article will be a waste of time and everything will go to her.
Never Beg – never beg for sex after the night is over that is a clear indication that you are really bad in bed.

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