Pachanga Diaries

Microbiologists have found fecal, skin-infection-causing bacteria and cold viruses or viruses that cause diarrhea in those cute handbags women carry around. Like the first mythological woman, Pandora, women carry around little cute storages that confine all the evils that could trouble humanity.

Hundreds of thousands of germs were found on the surface of handbags that have been carried around for years. In a scientific study, half of the bags tested positive for coliform bacteria, which indicated the possible presence of human or animal waste.

So, why germs love purses? Well it is definitely dark in there and possible humid because no one really know what sort of things are in there. Have you ever seen a purse’s contents? I haven’t. It is truly a mystery how a brand new roll of toilet paper can fit in a hand-size bag. I have even seen a very sick cat coming out of a purse.

Woman – “This is my cat, Kitty, and she is a little sick now but she is going to be better soon. Oh look! It is that half organic sandwich I have been looking for. Do you want a bite? No, Ok.”

Next time I have my female friends over I’m going to have to tell them; “Could you please take your shoes off by the door … and handbags and purses too”?

Note to self; Women with washable or not purses, keepers.

comedy bacteria, purses, women

“No you don’t look fat in those jeans”
“I love your short hair cut”
“No it’s perfectly fine that you cut off your long, silky waist length hair”
“I was only noticing how fat she looks in those jeans”
“I lit the match and the toilet seat is down, darling”
“You choose the movie”
“You flip channels for a while”
“I’m here for you; tell me everything you’re feeling”
“Come here. You need a hug.”
“Were there other women there? I only saw you.”
“What are you thinking? a pedicure? sure, I’ll try it.”
“Dancing lessons? sounds like fun”
“You thought I forgot our 3-and-a-half-month anniversary, didn’t you?”
“I’ll hop out and ask this guy for directions.”
“OK … soy milk, eggs, M&M’s, frozen organic edamame, nail polish remover, Clearasil, a box of tampons and Yoga Journal… Did I forget anything? I’m on my way.”

By a Guest Collaborator

dating

By looking at the apple from the tree of knowledge, it seems to me that Eve was setup by the devil. Why have we blamed Eve for giving the first bite and then being kicked out of paradise? It was instinct, NOT transgression.

Now, what I don’t understand is why Adam went for a bite…??

comedy

“You are not gonna wear that now!”
“I’ll be happy to go to your mom for thanksgiving.”
“Go ahead and spend the day at the golf club.”
“I think you look good with a little belly.”
“Do you want me to get another six pack while you keep watching the game with your friends?”
“Oh no baby, it didn’t smell like bad chili, and you don’t have to shake it off the sheets.”
“What do you think of my friend Stefanie for that threesome you wanted for your birthday?”

comedy